First Christmas
by BellatrixLives
Summary: Rose and the Meta-Crisis Doctor share their first Christmas in Pete's World. *Gift for jabber-who-key as part of the tumblr Doctor Who Secret Santa exchange*


Sitting by the window, Rose stares out at the sloping hills, admiring the way the snow is glistening under the moonlight.

_Real snow,_ she thinks. _Not ashes of an exploded spaceship, or some atmospheric trick, but real snow._

Her mother had insisted on going away for Christmas again.

Two years ago, their first year in Pete's World, Jackie didn't want to be anywhere near London at Christmas. It didn't matter how many times Pete swore things were different here, she was having none of it.

Thus the tradition of spending Christmas in the Alps was born.

This year is a bit different though. _He's _here. The Not-Doctor.

Rose huffs on the window, fogging up a pane, and begins to draw shapes with her finger.

"The constellation of Fanta-nara," a voice says behind her, "we went there after we escaped from Krop Tor."

"Did we?" Rose asks quietly, glancing briefly over her shoulder at the man so resembling her lost love.

"Yes, it was right before the trip to the 2012 Olympics."

"No… I mean did _we?_"

"Rose—" he runs a hand through his hair ruffling it up absurdly, "It's me, I swear to you. How many times do you want me to explain it?"

He sits next to her, but she refuses to look at him. It hurts too much. Instead she stares at her lap.

It's been two months since the Doctor returned them to Pete's World, two months since the kiss on the beach. Everyone else has accepted this new man as _the _Doctor, but Rose can't.

He's not _her _Doctor.

As if the situation weren't complicated enough, Jackie and Pete insisted this stranger stay with them. At least until Pete is able to secure an identity for the man who doesn't legally exist.

Back in London, Rose had been able to elude him; she turned avoiding home into an art form. Here in Alps however, sequestered in this cozy cottage, there is nowhere to run to.

"Please, listen" he begs, reaching for her hand, "I have all the same memories as him, all of the same feelings as him—"

"As him," she repeats, saying it as though he's made a confession.

"Yes, this is a different body."

"You're a different man."

Despite telling herself not to, Rose can't help but look up at him. His warm chocolate eyes are begging her to give him a chance.

"When did you fall in love with me?" he asks. "With him?"

The answer is automatic, and she speaks without thinking.

"When you took me to be with my father the day he died. The moment I found out that you'd risk the whole universe rather than telling me everything could have been fixed by my father dying like he was supposed to. I knew then."

"When I regenerated did you still love me?" he asks, the pad of his thumb tracing circles on the back of her hand.

"After—after I knew it was still you in there."

"Was I not a different man then?"

"Well, yes, but—"

"Why won't you let me prove to you that I'm still in here?"

He raises her hand and clutches it against his chest where she can feel his single heart beating.

"You're still out _there_ too," she says softly.

_Alone. _

The Not-Doctor explained how Donna Noble wouldn't survive the meta-crisis exchange unless her mind was wiped, which meant she would have to go home and the Doctor would be alone.

"There have always been versions of me out there, and there probably always will be, but there is also a version sitting beside you who wants nothing more than five minutes of your time."

Rose bites her lip and glances at their intertwined hands, still resting against his chest. She knows those hands so well.

"Okay," she agrees.

"Brilliant!" he exclaims, giving her a grin that tugs on every string of her heart. "Get your coat, I have something to show you."

His excitement is almost palpable and, if she's honest with herself, a bit contagious.

Once they have their coats on, they tiptoe quietly through the living room to the front door. Jackie and Pete are asleep curled up on the couch in front of the fireplace.

The Not-Doctor holds a finger to his lips as he eases the door open and Rose gives him a tongue in cheek grin as she slips outside. She feels like she's breaking curfew sneaking out past her parents and it sets off a flutter in her belly, or perhaps the warm hand slipping into hers is to blame.

Either way the dull ache that's been plaguing her chest lets up momentarily and she allows herself be pulled into a run.

The wind and snow fly past them as they race towards the hills, the cold searing her lungs as she gasps for breath, leaving her feeling invigorated.

"It's just up here over the hill," he tells her.

The climb is steep and their pace slows. Rose finds herself leaning into him for support and knows if her cheeks weren't already wind-chapped they'd still be flushed.

There is a flickering of light coming from just over the next slope, it's almost in view, but the hand in hers pulls her to a halt.

"It's a surprise," he tells her, "close your eyes. No peeking."

Stepping behind her the Doctor —_Not-Doctor_— removes Rose's scarf and uses it as a blindfold. He covers her eyes and ties it behind her head. Her breathing is stilted, which has nothing to do the their run, and everything to do with the too familiar man leaning with his chest pressed to her back.

He wraps one arm around Rose's waist, and takes her hand with the other, helping to guide her. It doesn't take long before she feels the slant of the ground change beneath her feet and they are descending the other side of the slope.

The snow here doesn't feel as deep and she suspects he's cleared a path.

She can here a crackling sound growing louder, and the closer they get the warmer it becomes.

_A fire._

"Okay," he whispers, "here we are."

His hand releases hers and he unties her makeshift blindfold. Rose blinks against the sudden light, but it doesn't take long for her to adjust.

They are standing beside a cackling campfire, but that's not what's drawing her attention. There's an igloo in front of them.

"Do you remember Fryst Feguro?"

"Yes."

It was right after Mickey decided to stay in Pete's World to be with his grandmother and fight the Cybermen. Rose had been very depressed, mad at herself for the way she treated Mickey in the months before he left. The Doctor was trying everything to cheer her up. Taking her to wonderful exotic places, vacation spots basically, to take her mind off of Mickey.

One of those distraction destinations was Fryst Feguro, which roughly translated to 'Frozen Beauty'. They went to see the Ice Palaces, sculpted by a thousand architects. It was a beautiful trip… for the most part. They stayed too late, wanting to see the sun set over the crystal palace walls, and ended up caught in a blizzard on their way back to the TARDIS.

The storm was too fierce to navigate through and so the Doctor built a small igloo for them to camp in. They cuddled together for warmth, too cold to sleep, and talked about how it could have been an ideal evening if only they had been prepared.

"I made sure we're prepared this time."

Rose is drawn from her memories and stares questioningly at the man beside her.

"Come on," he says, grabbing her hand again and leading her around the fire to a small wooden sleigh. "Sit with me."

"It's beautiful out here," Rose sighs, taking a seat.

"The view definitely rivals that of the Ice Palaces."

Rose can't fight the smirk she feels when she realizes it isn't the landscape he's staring at. She pats the space beside her and he sits.

From under the sleigh he pulls out a thermos and a lunch pail.

"So what do you call me?" he asks, unscrewing the thermos lid.

"Sorry?"

"In your head. I see the way your jaw clenches when people call me 'Doctor'. You avoid calling me anything aloud, and I'm curious. What do you call me?"

"Oh— I don't…"

"Rose."

_Well that certainly sounds like the Doctor._

"Not-Doctor," she mumbles.

She feels him shrug his shoulders before passing her a cup filled with hot chocolate.

"Not as bad as I expected," he admits, "not as good as I hoped."

She sips her cocoa and watches him from the corner of her eye.

"What had you hoped?"

"Well, since you are so adverse to calling me 'Doctor' I made up a list of suitable substitutions."

"Such as?" she pushes, smirking again.

"I could live with Doctor Foxy."

The laughter that bubbles out of her is so unexpected she almost spills her drink.

"Oh, really? What else?"

"I recently met a woman in a library who insisted on calling me Pretty Boy, and I will admit it kind of grew on me."

"Maybe I'll start calling you Doctor Big Head," she teases, nudging her shoulder into his.

"Better than Doctor Big Ears. Was not sad to see _those_ go."

"Hey now! I liked the ears… and the leather."

They both laugh and sip their drinks, staring into the fire.

"This is delicious," Rose says, holding her cup up.

"Mmm, hot chocolate was the number one thing on the list we said we needed back in Fryst Feguro. Do you remember what else was on the list?"

"Well, there was the fire, and the cocoa," she counts on her hand, "then we said in the future we would always have fur blankets on hand, and—" she blanks.

"S'mores!" he exclaims, opening the lunch pail.

"Where did you get stuff for those?" she asks, wondering where he managed to find graham crackers.

S'mores are really more of an American treat, one they'd discovered on some adventure or another. Honestly, the most memorable thing about _that _trip was the gooey goodness of melted chocolate and marshmallows.

"I have my ways," he says evasively.

"The internet?"

"All right, yeah, the internet. Take the mystery out of everything."

He passes her a pointed stick and the bag of marshmallows, and then leans in to speak into her ear.

"By the way, the furs are in the igloo."

"Doctor!" she says smacking his shoulder, laughing at his suggestive tone.

"What? I didn't want to leave them out here and get them all covered in— you called me Doctor."

She bites her lip.

"I guess I did."

He smiles brightly at her.

"But it's not right," she says, causing his smile to falter. "You're not the Doctor… You're _my _Doctor."

"And I always will be."

Cocoa and marshmallows tumble to ground, forgotten by hands desperate to grab hold of one another. When their lips meet they carry all of the longing and passion that's been harbored for years waiting for this moment.

The moment of abandon where there is nothing else in the universe that matters but the two of them removing all space that exists between them.

The Doctor's lips are so intense, yet soft, and she wonders if he's holding back. Rose presses herself closer to him, tightening her hold and deepening the kiss, trying to wordlessly reassure him this is exactly what she wants. What she's wanted for a very long time.

His mouth parts and he nips at her lower lip sending a big 'message received' signal back to her as his fingers twine into her hair.

When they pull away breathless, Rose looks up at him with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"So, about those furs…" she says cheekily.

"Rose," the Doctor starts, indecision on his face, "what if we're moving too fast? If you wake up tomorrow and decide again I'm not really the Doctor? What if this is a mistake?"

"We're only human," she shrugs, before pulling him into another kiss.


End file.
